CHAPTER TWELVE: GUN

Dear Father,

Forgive me – I am capable of such,
I may not have a gun, but I have other weapons of unacceptable mass destruction
powered by my ego, my flesh, my indulgence, my fears, and my greed.

I can destroy life and spirit in a moment and go free and above the law
but not your Law.

Forgive me – for using my money as a weapon
for security to shield myself from the cold and the broken
to buy the stuff
to shield myself, but destroy your world.

Forgive me – for using my tongue as a sword
that destroys the spirit, harms the awkward, lambastes the rude and curses the squeegee kid.

Forgive me – for using my eyes as daggers
rolling, stirring, turning away
from those who need help, friendship and encouragement
for lusting after what is not mine.

Forgive me – for using my hands
to deny compassion
for grabbing more than I should or need
for turning my kids away from seeing life on the streets
and as a tool for road rage.

Forgive me for my feet
which destroy my credibility
when I don’t walk the talk
or turn around fast from those in need
to avoid the darkness
and run toward heaven – from any reminder of hell here.

Forgive me for my mind
filled with the weapon of self.
Filling it with consumerism and fantasies of escape -
escape from the pain of the world gone bad.
For using mind games to enforce, coerce and manipulate.

Forgive my trigger finger
which so quickly turns the channel to avoid another story of ‘intervention’, World Vision, or another Hollywood star in Darfur.

Forgive me for having more faith in ‘weapons of mass destruction’ than in you -
forgive me for I would have probably used the nail and hammer
the thorns and spear
to push you away from me – and still do when I refuse even water to the ‘least of these.’

Forgive me for using the Bible as a weapon to defend my rights
For finding verses of wealth and prosperity
and for never allowing it to be turned on my own heart.

Forgive me for being a weapon of mass destruction -
to you, to your name, to your glory and light in this world.

Forgive me for not using the weapons of the Spirit
to pray for those who seek, find and offer ‘Bent Hope’
while I hide inside my AlarmForce castle.

Thank you – for your weapons of mass destruction -
Love, and Grace – and for the Cross
through which you have destroyed my old life, and now I am new
and through which you and I together can dismantle an atomic bomb… so let it be.

Amen.

John McAuley is the President/CEO of Muskoka Woods - a Christian youth camp located on Lake Rosseau, Ontario. John hails from Belfast, N. Ireland, where he was a police officer. John saw many things throughout his 25 years there, and lost many friends to the tragic violence of N. Ireland’s bloody history. Deeply moved in his teens by the then only locally known rock band U2, John felt the call to a different kind of leadership, inspired by Bono. Bono’s life and music provoked an “it doesn’t have to be this way” response within John to the bloodshed and violence around him. To this day, that view inspires everything John is and does. He lives in Toronto, and is married to Lori and they have two wonderful kids, Kasi and Jake.

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