Chapter Twenty: The Boy I Hated ~ Rick Tobias
CHAPTER TWENTY: THE BOY I HATED
Grace. God, grant us grace;
enough that we can see the beauty and value in individuals, even when their outward appearance obscures it completely;
enough to see their honour, however deeply hidden
and to grant respect, even when we think it is undeserved.
Help me to recognize the wounds and understand the shame that lies behind each act of rejection and moment of repulsive behaviour.
Grant me grace to believe that most of us are doing the best we can in the midst of our personal brokenness.
God, grant us grace.
Grace.
God grant grace to a dad who cannot love;
to a man crushed by the weight of his own neglected childhood and facing a son who spends his wealth and spits his name.
Grace to a parent who gives up, and who drugs the pain by choosing vacation over children.
Grace when the weight of failing, and of being failed, overwhelms.
Grace to dads and grace to moms who, having no grace left to give, receive little in return.
Grace.
God grant grace to the orphans whose parents, preoccupied in busyness, abandoned their children in castles of plenty.
Grace to the prodigal who will not be loved, who rejects every overture and spews abuse at all who draw near,
and to the child whose mind-numbing pain breaks out in a whirlwind of violence.
Grace to the child who turns their hostility inward, poisoning their soul with self-loathing.
Grace, to the children who, never knowing grace, have none to give.
Grace.
God grant grace to the caregivers who over-spend every loving emotion, and who, finding themselves empty and void, act out love through sheer strength of will and commitment to justice.
Grace to all, who having poured their lives into others, discover that love is not all you need, and who live to see those in their care self destruct.
Grace to those who so freely give themselves to others yet sometimes forget to grace their selves.
Grace.
God grant grace to me, when there is no place in my heart for a wounded child;
when my life is so consumed with me and mine that I have little love to give.
Grace to me when I pretend not to see, or turn away in fear from the ugly, untidy, or strange.
Grace to me when I am so absorbed in my own life that I forget to be grace to others.
God, grant us grace.
Enough for all we have experienced, and all that we have become, and enough to be all that you desire.
Rick Tobias was born in Saint John, New Brunswick and began his ministry as a church planter in Coldbrook, Nova Scotia. He later launched and coordinated Baptist Inner City Ministries, a church agency serving impoverished people in Saint John. In 1983, Rick moved to Toronto, Ontario, to become coordinator of Yonge Street Mission’s Evergreen location, which he refocused to meet the needs of Toronto’s street-involved youth. He was appointed Executive Director of Yonge Street Mission in 1989. Rick is a member of StreetLevel: The National Roundtable on Poverty and Homelessness.